hmmm...

I really wish that I had the ability to understand the difference between Righteous Anger and regular run-of-the-mill anger. It is suprising how big people think they can be and act on the internet. Thank God I am a pastor with responsibilities and expectations of me or I would probably be in Jail. Fill me with love God. Please.

Where have all the J.O.'s Gone?

You know life. 

especially at 5:49 am on a wednesday morning 

after 3 straight days of misery and sickness. 

Of Isolation due to the wanting of keeping 

those who you love not sick away from you.

Can seem pretty bleak.

I am feeling pretty bleak right now. I really want to be asleep to keep myself in a positive mood.

and its times like this that I need something that most pastors are not fond of.

That is known as the Joel Olsteen.

It doesn't matter your situation. It doesn't matter how bad its been. 

Joel has a positive word for you.

I am being serious when I say listening to the man makes me feel uplifted.

Now granted I realize he is not teaching deep spiritual truths but sometimes it is just nice to sit and here how things could be done in a positive manner all the time.

and from everything I have read of Joel. He is onstage who he is off.

I don't believe rumors or anything else but mostly I have never heard any.

You can talk trash about the size of his church. how much money they bring in.

But they help millions of people a year.

Every week they feed and clothe the homeless and invite them to church.

They run shelters throughout the week and every sunday they get new clothes and food.

Its a beautiful thing.

Don't overlook being a joel olsteen to someone. I try to lift spirits wherever I go. I hope I accomplish this.

I can definately tell I missed church on Sunday for being sick. I also think missing tomorrow is making me feel this way.

Psalm 121

I lift my eyes up to the mountains
Where does my help come from
My help comes from You
Maker of heaven, creator of the earth
I lift my eyes up to the mountains
Where does my help come from
My help comes from You
Maker of heaven, creator of the earth

Interesting.

Today i was talking to a good friend of mine.

We were sharing about how it seems anytime anyone seems to make a statement regarding

Higher standards of life

meaning:

No drinking

No drugs

No premarital relations

and other such thoughts that go along with cleaning up your life.

It seems that people deem them as Judgmental and as Fanatics.

Most of the time you hear 

the Judge not lest ye be Judged 

or

I am really sure Jesus would be saying that

or

Your not perfect stop acting like it.

It seems that in order for people to live a lower standard of life

they must in fact tear down those who are trying for more.

or

To make it seem stupid or childish to want to do something different.

Almost as if Trying to better yourself is a bad thing.

I truly wonder why that is.

Why do we deem it necessary to try to mess up someone living for something more?

I wonder if its something inside us that simply comes out when presented with someone who is doing something we aren't 

Do we feel that they are better than us for it and we want to tear them down?

Is inside each person a sense of guilt that comes out in these moments?

My friend suggested that we are trying to create a bubble around ourselves that excuses our actions.

I find that interesting.

In other words lower the bar for everyone so it can be lowered for yourself.

Anyone have any thoughts out there on this? Just wondering.

Hmm...

The church is filled with some of the nicest, most wonderful people in the world.

They are encouraging,enlightening, spirit-filled people.

They make my life a brighter place.

Its sad but the church is also filled with some of the 

meanest, nastiest, selfish people I know.

They refuse to be happy with anyone or anything and they use the church 

as a environment to spread there venom

Unfortunately I had a encounter with the 2nd group of people today.

But I still love Christ's bride.

Think about what we say people and how we judge people's offerings to God.

2 Things.

I would consider myself a decently tough person.

There are few things that affect me emotionally and incur any type of emotional response.

I definately have always preferred and like to see the Clint Eastwood

High Plains Stranger attitude in myself.

I think growing up watching movies like 

Predator, Conan the Barbarian, and Old Westerns with John Wayne

have given me the image of the strong silent type as the ideal man.

but with that said

there are 2 things in my life that I would consider

deal breakers.

anytime something has to do with my kids 

such as my daughter on Thursday night standing on the stage after praise practice and singing 

Jesus loves me 

In that cute high pitch 3 year old voice. It cracks my heart wide open.

and then my other breaker is anything to do with my relationship with God.

I have put myself or been annointed into leading worship at our church and God constantly 

puts me in a emotional state 

Sometimes I feel weak for crying when singing to Him.

but I am beginning to see the strength in being in tune to the Father.

This song always kills me and I thought I would share it today with you. 

There is just something about it and I can't explain it. 

It came out in a time of life where I really needed it and it still brings me back to that point.

Enjoy.

Tired.

This being my Blog I will write what I like.  

Some may not like what I have to say but the beauty of a internet site is to click it and go somewhere else.

I am a pastor in a church where love is flowing.

I am involved in a music ministry of a band where love is given out.

I am surrounded by a culture that focuses on the Love of God all the time.

and ignores the rest of the word and lifestyles that come from something that is not love.

I am sick of "Love Talk"

I by no means am perfect but when? please tell me when? (one more time) when? 

did it become cool to glorify our mistakes?

When and where does it say in the Bible 

Go out and do whatever you like. God loves you. It will all be fine. 

Act however you want to act. Say whatever you want to say. 

Live like the world that you are to be separated from. 

I am so tired and done with this thinking.

its very easy to ignore 

God as Just

and just see

God is love.

Now granted I come from a very legalistic background myself and at times I head into that thinking

and I have to force myself to not take a "pharisee" attitude.

But really is it that hard to live a life that is pleasing to God?

Do we honestly believe that God is pleased when we sin? 

That He somehow looks at us and is like

"You ole stinker, YA DID IT AGAIN. 

(Cue laugh track)

Oh well. I know your not sorry but its ok!"

God is not Mr. Belevedere

God is not Danny Tanner on Full House

God is Just

I try my hardest and I am going to wrap this up because this subject is just eating me alive. 

Yes God Does Love You and I Don't want to Judge you 

but i do see this and will explain what I see.

Matthew 7: 1-6

 ¹"Do not judge so that you will not be judged
.(if we judge with an evil heart or dark intent, His judgment of us will reflect it, if we judge nobly with honesty and justice, His judgment of us will reflect that)

 ²"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you (if you judge with extremes you will be judged by that also if you judge by truth and with compassion you will be judged by that.)

 ³"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

 ⁴"Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye (Minor sins your brother has committed- Not getting into the measure of sins),' and behold, the log is in your own eye?(ignore the massive sins in your life)

 ⁵"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye (Clean up your life and live a holy live style), and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye

(Help a brother out of something they may not see).

final verse: How can we know who the dogs are and who the swine are if we do not judge?

 ⁶"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces. 

Some other verses regarding judgement:

1Cor. 6:2-3 Do you not know that the saints [the saved,Christians] will judge the world? And if you are to judge the world, are you not competent to judge trivial cases? Do you not know that we will judge angels? How much more the things of this life!

Prov. 3:21 My son, preserve sound judgment and discernment, do not let them out of your sight;

John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

Jer. 22:3 Thus saith the LORD; Execute ye judgment and righteousness...

Phil. 1:10 so that you may be able to discern [judge] what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ...

Phil. 1:7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you [judge you]...

I am going to finish this up  
I don't want to be Pat Robertson (I think thats his name)
Making universal judgements against Haiti and tearing down people.

But I refuse to allow those who surround me to live a lesser lifestyle than what it should be and then to turn and use the excuse that God loves me and its ok.
It is not ok.
I am not perfect and I am still loved
but
I truly believe
God has not called us to Perfection
God has called us to PROGRESS
and how we can progress if we continue to live in the lifestyle that we were once in.

I hope i presented this right and if your mad I am sorry
and if your thinking i am completely wrong I am sorry too..
I will pull a page out of the book I have been hammering and simply say.
God loves me and my mistaken, judgemental thoughts.

lol.

Talk loudly please....

Friday night and the series of Awkward conversations:

Convo 1:

Kid: So I drove 3 hours to see you guys play.

Me: Really?

Kid: yeah you guys never play around us so we drove down here to see you guys.

Me: Oh sorry....Maybe soon we can be up there closer.

Kid: Sure....

30 second silent pause.

Me: Ok well I am going to go check on our merch guy and see what he is up to.

Convo 2:

Kid: So I got saved Tonight after your guys set.

Keep in mind at this point I just had walked off stage and had one million thoughts in my head....

Me: Thanks!

Kid: No problem man.

Me: How is that going for you so far?

Kid: Really positive

Me: awesome man. 

20 seconds awkward pause where I draw a complete blank on anything to say as I relive what I had just said to this kid in my head

Me: Well man I am going to go check on our Merch guy and see what he is up to

Convo 3:

Kid: Hi I saw you on stage

Me: yeah that was me

Kid: You can jump high

Me: Well I was on the stage so I probably wasn't jumping as high as I looked

Kid: Oh yeah its like 4 foot up in the air.

Me: yeah It is

10 seconds later 

Kid: I am going to go check and see what merch you guys have

The moral of this story is that the best way to get out of awkward silences is to say you are going to go check on the merch situation.

You would think a person who is pretty much paid for speaking and interacting with people that I would be able to communicate properly but evidently there are times when I fail to be able to speak

Do you have moments when you can't seem to get out what you are wanting to say?

Road less....

The Road Not Taken

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 

 end.

 

Not my words but how I am currently feeling. 

I hope that I am picking the right roads to walk.

Show me the way.

Improvements.

I think a lot about Improvements...

It seems our lives are centered around the idea of bigger and better.

The idea of the grass being greener on the other side

I recently talked to a friend who says he gets depressed at the New Years because he looks at his life and realizes he didn't accomplish all that he wanted to that year.

I can relate to that thinking.

I have 2 parts of this blogging that I want to explore.

1.

When we deal with improvements in life...

how do we honestly know it is a improvement?

I am reminded of the thinking that we don't know what is best for us.

I think that 100 million dollars would be best for me.

is it?

There are always general improvements.

Like physically we can get in better shape or even treat people better.

I don't think either of those things could be bad.

but.

Why do I want a 80gb Ipod with a Cover Flow and Genius Capabilities.

When I have a 80gb Ipod that doesn't have them...

People in Haiti are dying...

just some ramblings.

2.

I wonder if there are different types of people

One type that wants to be better and the other that could care less.

it seems from a young age I have always wanted to be better.

Sometimes it is exhausting.

I wish I could just be content and chill at times and just enjoy life in the moment.

yet something continually makes me think of how I could improve on it.

it = life

it seems I run into people that are able to continually take this second mindset.

I am not saying it is the correct mindset

I have seen several people drift off in life into a black abyss of there own making.

Is there some form of middle ground that you can find that makes it where you can enjoy life yet still slowly move towards something better without a non-stop race mindset?

I hope eventually I can find it.

Finally.

I have never been content with my Christian walk.

I am not sure how I feel about this.

I have had people tell me you need to live your life and allow God to move through it in time.

or

To just relax and go with the flow.

but

if i am not living to better my walk with Christ.

What should I be living for?

more ramblings.

Church...

I had a good friend write a blog about church and it stirred up some feelings inside of me that have been repressed and now are coming forth. As it is my blog. Might as well write about it.

I am sitting getting ready for a Wednesday Night Youth Gathering.

Most people call it Youth Group.

I wonder about all of those who have been in my ministry in the past and recognize it is a wednesday night.

They know where I will be and what I will be doing.

They remember the times they came down to the altar at Youth Group.

When God met them so strong and they were able to cry and pray and feel like God cares about them each.

In fact they had there lives changed

they were able to see things in a different light

and to be able to make right decisions and they knew people cared about them.

Then they graduated High School.

and they stopped caring or coming.

No longer did it matter that there former friends and Youth Group members were desperate for

someone to care about them.

No longer did it matter that the wisdom and stuff they learned needed to be passed down to people going through similar situations. That there insight was needed to keep the expressions of Faith (The way services go or are planned) new and fresh.

It was boring to them. They knew what was going to happen or they were older or had more important things to do than to spend a hour downstairs in a basement with stupid teens.

and so they left.

Most will start to fall away from God. They think it is maybe because God wasn't real.

They stop coming on a Sunday morning because it feel irrelevant or doesn't apply to there lives.

God just doesn't move the same or there knowledge is so strong in who God supposedly is that its boring.

They get older and come to church every once in a while. They wonder why it can't be cooler or fit into a cultural context that is appealing to them. Why the music is old people music? Why doesn't the church keep up with the times and it is old and out-dated.?

A long time ago (7-8 years), I Spoke to Rob Bell about my frustrations with the church.

I complained about all of these things that I see so many people in my generation saying.

He said " Be the change, you want to see"

If you want church to be different.

If you want the world to be different

If you want to have a better life

If you want something more.

Then start doing something about it.

Be what you want to see.

Stop living for yourself and do something for someone else.

Church is more than your needs.

I promise you until I began caring about my brother christian I never truly understood.

Until I sat and cried with a 70 year old man who talked about overcoming his addictions. I never understood.

I wish that those who grew up in my ministry came back and tried to recapture

What I call the body of God

or

Church.

Refreshing....

So I just purchased the new "The Whitest boy alive" Album. It is such an amazing album if you have not ever listened or heard of these guys. All I can honestly say is wow. Check them out. Very happy music.

So I was thinking earlier about.

What if I could know everything that was going to happen to myself this year?

Think about it for a few moments...........

What if you knew someone close to you was going to die?

What if you knew the winning lottery numbers or even the winning baseball team or basketball?

I wonder how this year is going to go.

A year seems like such a long time and so much can happen in a year.

I could be in a signed band on a major music label.

I could be at a different church.

I could be living on the streets with nothing to my name.

Nuclear war could happen.

Zombies could become real.

Aliens could appear.

Ok some of that might not happen but I think about the big changes that have happened in my life and I realize that I was completely unprepared for them to happen and they almost sneaked up on me and happened.

It is interesting to me.

I have also come to the conclusion that no one reads this besides myself or could care less which is cool.

I will continue to write to put my thoughts down.

I hope my relationship with God is better than it is now. Not that it is necessarily bad but better is simply.

better.

uggghhh...

Man I am in a bad mood right now.

Even 80's music isn't picking up my attitude. I think it is the winter weather. not even close to enough sun during the day.

Today was day 2 on the quest to large-ness. Body Building sounds a lot funner than it actually is.

Continual Hard Work.

Not sure what to write to equate my bad mood. I guess I will expand upon a previous thought that we are such a spoiled rotten group of people. I have a warm house, a computer, a wonderful family and my health.

Yet I sit and complain about being in a bad mood.

People have different ideas about how life can be summed up.

Some say its by how many lives you have changed

Some say its by the things you accumulate through-out life

Some say it has to deal with all of the things you did or experienced.

Some say...

Some say...

Some say..

I imagine that life is summed up by everything but honestly I don't know if when the end of life comes if I will really be that concerned about what I did on Tuesday Jan. 5th 2010

Which is why I believe I am in a bad mood.

Peace.